


maybe i, maybe you

by coldfevers



Category: Fallout (Video Games)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Fluff, M/M, mention of other characters, shitty men fall in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6197302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfevers/pseuds/coldfevers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jay fucks up (again) and has to stay on the prydwen for a week - a week he uses to get closer to the elder, because it's always good to have your superior wrapped around your little finger, right? except he's the one who ends up wrapped around maxson's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe i, maybe you

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to the self-indulgent bar  
> first of all:  
> \- english isn't my native langage so i hope this isn't too bad? also hit me up if you notice any mistakes (i re-read it at least five times but you know how it goes)  
> \- i'm still having a hard time grasping maxson's personality so i'm sorry if he's a bit too ooc for you. he's always been cool with my sole and i'm pretty sure deep down he's still a cool buddy  
> \- title from maybe i maybe you by scorpions (it doesn't have anything to do with the fic but it's a cool song)
> 
> i hope you'll enjoy it!!

         Jay has a habit of always fucking up something when he’s out in the wild – lack of ammo in the worst situations, meeting a deathclaw while only wearing his vault jumpsuit, trying to befriend the wildlife and ending up with a broken arm, and the list goes on. And it’s okay, mostly, because he always makes it out alive. With a few concussions and bruises and wounds, but he’s still walking on his two feet, right?

Maybe it’s why Kells wants him to train the kids so bad, or maybe it’s just because he’s the only one stupid enough to accept it (let’s be honest – a knight could fight mole rats too. No need to be a sentinel to crush a few rabid dogs and giant flies), but still. He meets the kids outside the airport when he doesn’t have any urgent duties to take care of and they follow him around – and Maccready whines and complains but he knows he likes it too. And – of course something would happen.

In this case, it’s a ghoul he didn’t see, and he’s on the ground with the thing before it can even touch the child, hitting it with his fists, trying to kill it or at least knock it out. And the thing, the ghoul – it bits him hard and deep. Tears the skin of his shoulder apart, and he’s got enough – he kicks it in the stomach and stabs it right in the head.

When it falls on the ground, it still has a half-chewed piece of skin in his mouth, and Jay growls – he never knew those things were so fierce, and the leather jacket he was wearing was no match against it.

Maccready helps him get up and frowns when he sees the nasty wound. “We should get a doctor. I’m not touching this. It’s glowing green.” And Jay forces himself to smile, nudges the guy in the ribs. “Wouldn’t let you touch a corpse for all I know. You’re only useful from a distance.” They laugh quietly, and Jay takes the child in his arms – he’s hidden himself on top of a closet. “Hey, buddy. Ghouls can climb those things, you know. Come here. I’m sorry I suck so much. Are you hurt?”

When the kid shakes his head, he puts him on the ground, checks up on him to make sure he’s okay – poor thing. “I’m sorry,” he says again, and the squire just smiles. “No, it’s good. You were cool. We should head back to the airport. I’m sure doctor Cade can help you.” “Yeah, I’m sure he can. Let’s go, pal. You did well today. Better than me, at least.”

 

         He comes back on the Prydwen, the child not wanting to let him alone, and before they can even get to Cade, Maxson stops them. “Shouldn’t you be at the airport, squire?” he enquires, not looking very pleased – the squire shows him the wound on Jay’s shoulder. “He’s hurt, Elder. He needs medical attention.”

And if he’s being honest, he would like to meet the doctor now – it must be the rads, or the slight blood loss, or maybe the ghoul had some sickness, but he feels dizzy, and the more he moves, the more his vision blurs. He managed to get back to the airport because they weren’t too far and it wasn’t so bad at first, but now – he has trouble keeping his eyes open. “And you don’t think he knows the- sentinel, are you alright?” and no, he doesn’t feel alright at all.

He collapses into a knight’s arms before he can even answer.

 

         “The sentinel is not going to like it.”

He wakes up to the sound of the Elder’s voice – and great, the man got him curious when he still feels like a teen experiencing their first hangover, except it’s his shoulder who makes him ache and not his head.

Well. He does have a light headache, but. He has seen worse. He takes a deep breath, blinks a few times – he’s in the nursery. Okay. That’s something. Not like he could be anywhere else, but it’s always good to recognize a familiar place.

He gets up on his elbow, looks around him – Cade and Maxson are talking, and given their faces, they aren’t having a pleasant conversation. May have something to do with him not liking something. “What?” he says, and it sounds pretty harsh. “Nothing, sentinel. Get some rest.” And before he can say anything, Maxson has left the nursery – Jay watches him leave, still dazzled, and turns his head to look at Cade. “What?” he says again – because goddamn, he wants to know. “What were you talking about?” “Calm down, sentinel. I told Maxson you had to stay on the Prydwen for a few days. No training squires, no raiding the Commonwealth – here. And don’t go around waving tools either, because I know you.”

Jay blinks again, frowns – ok, no. “What do you want me to do?” and the question must be either funny or really stupid, because the doctor laughs and pats his knee. “I want  you to rest. I need to make sure you’re not sick. You never know, with these – creatures.” “M’not sick.” Or he could be, but he tries really hard to convince himself he’s fine. “I’m good. I’ll use the other arm. I’m ambidextrous, you know?” Cade smiles. “Sorry, sentinel. You’re Prydwen-grounded for at least a week.”

 

         It turns out he can’t use his left shoulder – at all. The wound is too big, the infection spread too wide, and every move hurts, and as ambidextrous as he might be, he can’t do a lot of things with only one arm and a half, but being locked up in his quarters, Danse’s old quarters, doesn’t feel good. So he still walks around the Prydwen, tries to help – except no one wants his help, and he doesn’t know if it’s out of pity for him or because he’s just that useless. Probably both.

He’s working on one of his power armor (the one he always leaves on the Prydwen in case something happens to the airship) when he hears a voice – “hello, sir!” and when he turns around, he sees the squire from the other day, and he smiles: he’s glad he’s okay. “Hey, you,” he says. “How are you?” “M’good. Elder Maxson gave me the right to check up on you. Well, I should be studying, but I swear he told me I could go.” Jay laughs and shuffles his hair, stops when the kid groans. “I know he did. He’s nice, yeah?” “Of course he is. He carried you on his back on the way to the nursery because you were too heavy for your friend.”

He would only know why – he’s at least twice as large as Maccready. No way the guy could have carried him or even dragged him anywhere, but hearing Maxson took him to the nursery is – well. Surprising. He figured it was the knight he fell on who carried him to Cade, but apparently he was wrong. “Oh. I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me.” “No probs,” the kid answers. “Will you still train us?” “Why, of course. If Kells still wants me to do it.” “I think he will. I mean, you’re the only sentinel and Elder Maxson is too busy.”

Too busy – what a joke. But he smiles anyway and puts down the wrench he was still holding. “Oh. Because the Elder trains you as well?” “Yeah. Sometimes. He’s better than you are, but you’re funnier.” Jay snorts (it’s not like it’s hard to be funnier than the Elder, but he will take the compliment) and pats the kid on his head. “Wow, sweet talker. You should get back to your business now. I’m sure you still has a lot to learn.” “Damn right I do!” and the kid is off to the airport, and Jay smiles and crosses his arms on his chest. Cute kiddos. Shaun isn’t as vigorous as they are – might do with the fact he’s always hunched over something, trying to make weapons out of it.

He kind of misses Shaun – doesn’t really, because he knows he’s having his fair share of fun with Sturges and the settlers at Sanctuary, but. He shivers when he feels a hand on his shoulder (the okay one) and turns his head to see Ingram standing next to him. “Stop looking so sad, sentinel. You’ve still got things to do. I don’t care if you miss an arm – I want this power armor fully functional by the end of the day.” And at least, she still finds him useful. “Yes, ma’am,” he says, and gets back to his power armor.

 

         Climbing down a ladder is not the easiest thing to do when your left shoulder is a mess, but he manages – he does trip when he lets go of it, and a knight asks him if he’s okay, but. He manages. Maxson turns his head to look at him and frowns. “Sentinel. Shouldn’t you stay on the upper deck while you’re recovering?” “Please, I’m not disabled. Give me a break.”

The Elder shrugs. “I’m not the one grounded.” And it’s both mean and ridiculous – Jay lets himself fall on one of the red sofa in the room. “It’s because you never get out of the Prydwen. Well, Chris did tell me you train the squires sometimes. Is it true?” “Why wouldn’t it be?”

He has a point. “Dunno. Because you have better things to do, maybe.” “And you don’t?” “I’m not the Elder,” Jay simply states, and Maxson turns to face him, leaning against the rail. “I’m sure you still have a lot of things to do. For the minutemen…” and the only mention of the minutemen makes him snort. With Ronnie Shaw back from the dead, he only felt useless lately – he still helps settlements, still helps Preston and the minutemen at the Castle, but. Yeah. She deserves the title of General more than he does. “He also told me you carried me to the nursery – I didn’t know. Thank you.”

Maxson looks genuinely surprised – for a moment, Jay fears the kid lied to him, but it can’t be possible, he knows him, he knows Chris isn’t a liar. So – why? “I’m sorry, is there a problem? You look, uh. Shocked. You did carry me, right?” “Yes. Yes, I did. You didn’t have to thank me.” Oh. This is new. Jay arches an eyebrow. “Yes I had. It’s called being polite.” There’s a moment of silence, and then he asks, his voice lower: “Did Kells tell you something? About me?” He fears he might have decided to strip him from his right to train the young recruits – and he’s just under him, but he can’t bring himself to ask him directly. The Elder looks at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “Why would he?” “Because I fucked up? Because a child could have gotten killed, and it would have been my fault?” Once again – it sounded less aggressive in his head, and Maxson sighs. “You’re too hard on yourself, sentinel.”

Maybe he is. Jay looks away. “Still.” “You’re human. You’re allowed to fail. Now go down and ask what you want to know to Kells.” He has never heard such words coming from the Elder – actually, he never thought he was able to be empathic at all, but he is, and it’s strange. Strange, but welcomed. “I’d rather go down on you,” he giggles, and Maxson’s cold glare isn’t enough to make him feel bad about what he just said. “Hey, chill. Anyway – thank you, Elder.”

And although Maxson doesn’t answer, Jay doesn’t care.

 

         He’s bored by the fourth day, walking up and down the Prydwen like a ghost would – nothing to repair (nothing that Ingram already doesn’t handle), nothing to do. He can’t even cook and Teagan doesn’t need his help. So. Useless, that is. He figures it might be the chance to learn more about the soldiers he often sees on the Prydwen, and, yeah, bad idea. No one dares to be honest with him, and he curses his rank.

He crashes into Maxson’s quarters while he’s reading something on his terminal and sits down on a chair, his arms crossed on its back, and watches the Elder working for a while before his presence isn’t welcome anymore. “What do you want, sentinel?” “I’m bored.” “Can’t do anything about it.” and he knows he can’t, but still. Jay sighs and closes his eyes. “I don’t know a lot about you, Elder.”

A short break, and then: “You don’t need to.” He should have seen it coming.

“Why not? Okay, let’s play a game. I ask questions and you answer.” And Maxson doesn’t even glance at him, but he knows he’s annoying him. And, quite frankly, he couldn’t care less. Perhaps if he annoys him too much, he will kick him off the Prydwen. “So, you’re twenty, right? How do you grow a beard so long at such a young age?” “Sentinel-” “I’m serious! Okay, another question. Why do you have two dog tags? Oh – it reminds me I still have Danse’s.”

With a swift move, he takes one of the dog tags he’s wearing around his neck and puts it on the table – Maxson watches him carefully as he does so, and he smiles. “Missing him, uh?” “I don’t. But he was a good soldier.” “At least you still have me.” “You’re not worth Danse.”

The smart comment makes him choke on his saliva and he snorts – yeah, he knows he’s not, but at least he tries, right? “Mean. So – where were we? Oh, right. Dog tags. Why do you have two of them?” “It’s personal.” “Yeah, that’s kinda the aim of the game.” The Elder stares at him, but stays quiet – Jay sighs and makes a face. “Okay. Another. Uh. How come you’ve been appointed Elder at only 16?” “I’m the last descendant of Roger Maxson. He created the Brotherhood of Steel. When-” “Wait, what?” The Elder stops talking, watches him suspiciously, and Jay – well. He’s baffled. “Roger Maxson, right? I’ve heard of him. Saw him on TV once. Oh, man, I never – damn. I feel so stupid. I should have – whatever. I’m sorry. Go on.”

He was in the army for a good while – been in it since he was eighteen, and he did hear about Roger Maxson, mainly because of the human experiments going on in his squad or something – it was just days before the Great War. “Man, I feel so old,” Jay says out of the blue. “You’re old.” “Thanks, Elder. I can always count on you to make me feel better.”

There’s the hint of a smile on the Elder’s lips for a second – Jay frowns and then smiles himself. “Hey, you’re smiling. Are you mocking me, Elder?” “Wouldn’t dream of it.” “It’s okay, you know. Humans have feelings. I know it’s an unknown term for you, but yeah.” “Were you always so undisciplined with your superiors?” he can’t hear any anger in Maxson’s voice – even a little bit of amusement, and he’s stunned. “Woah. Who knew the Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel has some humor? And I wasn’t, but they were older than me, and you’re not.” “I’m still your superior.” “You’re still twenty,” he mocks and Maxson sighs and turns around, starts working again. “So, Roger Maxson and the Brotherhood, right? Crazy.” “Yes. When the previous Elder died,” there’s a slight break, “I took her place.” “Cool. Pretty much like me with Danse, yeah? Wait, no, I didn’t – no, it’s not cool. But opportunities, am I right? No, shit, I’m just making things worse. Forget it.” And Maxson seems to; for a while, none of them speak, and it’s fine.

“Hey, what’s your name? Your first name, I mean. I don’t know.”

Maxson turns to look at him again – he seems genuinely offended, and Jay puts his hands up in the air. “Well, don’t look at me like that!” “It’s Arthur.”

Oh. “Arthur? Cute name,” Jay smirks. “Suits you.” “Are you implying-” Maxson stops talking, stares at him and then shakes his head and goes back to his terminal – again. “I will not accept such behavior coming from our best soldier, sentinel.” “The fuck? I should have hit on you when I was only a knight, then. Too bad my timing sucks.” “That’s not what I meant – don’t.” “Don’t what?” “Hit on me.” “Eh. Straight?”

No answers – Jay tilts his head on the side and waits a few minutes before asking: “Ashamed?” because for all that he knows, the Elder might be, but he remains silent and Jay takes Danse’s dog tags in his hand. “I’m sorry, Elder. Did I make you uncomfortable?” “No you didn’t. I’m just not interested in answering you.” He chuckles – typical Maxson. “Well, I don’t know what you are, but I have a funny story to tell, so I’ll go ahead – okay, so, when I was in the army, there was this general everybody was afraid of because he was like, super cold. Well. A bit like you. Except that he was fifty – anyway. Scary. And one day, we’re on leave for two days. Nothing much, but we take it, you know how it is – so it turns out me and this guy end up in the same plane, and we get off the same plane at the same airport, and – he didn’t see me at all, so he thought no one else was looking at him, but I was, because I’m a curious fuck, and the guy just. Kinda runs to somebody in the crowd, so at this point I assume it’s her wife or maybe his kids, but no. He runs to a man and fucking lifts him into the air and spins him around, like you see in movies, or – no, wait, you don’t have movies. Uh. In comics? Well, you get the feeling. And as I was watching them, I trip over some gate not far from them. I broke one of my tooth when I hit the floor and the general had to drive me to the dentist. We bonded over his boyfriend and a broken tooth this way and he had always been nice to me and nobody ever knew why. So. End of the story.” 

Halfway through his speech, Maxson had turned to him, an arm resting on the back of his chair – when he’s done, he just asks: “weren’t they married?” and, yeah, such innocence. Jay laughs and shrugs. “You can’t get married between two men or two women now, can you?” “Yes you can. Was it not a thing, back in your days?”

Okay. Big revelation. Jay looks at him with wide eyes and the Elder frowns. “Was it not?” he asks again, and Jay shakes his head, furrows his eyebrows. “No. Since when are you able to do that?” “Don’t know. It’s been going on for a while now.” And maybe Jay should have known better, with seeing that Zwicky teacher getting married to a Miss Handy, but. Still. “Damn. Cool. I’m glad. I met Nora in a protest in order to legalize gay marriage. It was funny.” “Nora? Your wife, I take it?” he nods in agreement, and Maxson is quiet again for a while – but he stays still, look at the ground. “I’m sorry for you, sentinel.” “You didn’t kill her. You have nothing to be sorry for, you know.” “Yet I am. Maybe it doesn’t mean a lot for you coming from me, but I know how it feels, losing someone you care a great deal about.”

Jay softens when he hears what Maxson just said, smiles a little. “Wanna talk about it?” but he knows he’s knocking on a closed door. “Not really.”

They stay like this for a while, just content with each other’s presence until it’s diner time and they have to move if they want to eat. Jay stands up, streches, and when Maxson walks by him, he pats him on the shoulder. “I’m glad we talked.” “Yeah. I’m glad you stole an entire afternoon of work from me.”

Jay laughs, because he knows the Elder doesn’t mean it. Not really.

 

         It turns out he’s fine, and his shoulder is healing well – yet, Cade doesn’t want him to leave the Prydwen before the week is over. He gets out on the deck, leans against the rail and looks down – he can’t see much, and it’s only six am, but Liberty Prime is still walking around the airport.

Escorting it to the CIT ruins hasn’t been easy – mostly because he almost got blew up three or four times. What a stupid idea to be in the way of a giant robot with nuclear bombs and lasers – he almost got crunched as well, but the biggest surprise had been Maxson tagging along. Why wouldn’t he – after all, he wanted the Institute destroyed more than anyone in the Commonwealth.

He thinks about Shaun – he can’t help but feel like everything was his fault. If they didn’t have a child, then maybe – maybe the Institute would never had done such damage in the Commonwealth. But then again, how could they possibly knew it would lead to this? He sighs and rubs his face – would they have kidnapped another baby?

The metal door opens – he knows the sound by heart, but what really grinds his ears are Ingram’s complaints. “But why, Elder? I’m perfectly capable of going on field again – tests have been made, and I did alright at the Mass Fusion building!” in a way, he feels sorry for her – she really did good out there, and such determination is admirable. Ingram is better and stronger than most knights, could easily pretend to the rank of paladin, but Maxson is determined, and – nobody can overcome the Elder’s orders. Not even Ingram. “I need you on the Prydwen, Ingram,” he growls. “We’ve talked about this. It’s too dangerous – for you and for the soldiers with you.”

They stop when they see him, and he shrugs. “Go ahead, I love when people argue while I’m having an ‘alone time’, really gets me in the mood, you know?” out of context, it’s weird, but it’s too late to take it back, so he just stays here and adds nothing – Ingram groans. “Go have your alone time somewhere else, then.” “Dad, the mean lady is bullying again,” he whines with a frown, but snorts as soon as both Maxson and Ingram growl at him. “Yeah, okay, whatever, I’m leaving. I have a lot of things to do anyway. You know, being useless and trying to make friends and failing miserably. Or I could comment your little exchange – ‘oh, yeah, point to Ingram, I haven’t heard such sass since 1972, how will Maxson react to this-’” “Sentinel. Leave.” And an order’s an order, right? Jay stands up, knocks on Ingram’s armor. “You go girl, I’m rooting for you. Show him what you’re made of. By the way, Maxson, I’d take her with me. Saw her on field, I can tell she’s not joking.” He makes guns with his fingers, laughs to himself. “Pew pew, fuck these robots! Oh, look, a big hole, we could totally jump in because fuck stairs too, am I right?”

He leaves laughing and feels pretty proud when he hears Maxson sighs and Ingram muttering he’s crazy.

 

         Day 8th, and he’s free. As soon as he wakes up, he jumps into his bulletproof vest he’d found on a railroad member’s corpse, picks up his combat shotgun, another smaller gun and a sniper rifle (and his knives – knifes are a lifesaver), and he’s out.

Well. Almost out. “Where are you going like that, sentinel?” of course Maxson had to be up – Jay grunts. “Do you ever sleep, man? Goddamn, I’m leaving. I’m fucking raiding the Commonwealth and I’m killing every shithead I see. You want something while I’m out?” the Elder frowns, but doesn’t seem to be impressed. At all. At least he tried. “Teagan has something for you. You should drop by his shop before you leave.”

Jay considers what Maxson is telling him for a few seconds before he gets the rifle and shotgun off his back. “Watch this for me, make yourself useful, baby. I’ll be back.” And he’s on the upper deck before the Elder can say anything about his language.

Teagan’s already up, which is both good and worrying – Jay leans over the counter. “Hello, Teagan. What you doing up so early?” “I have a trade with a caravan this morning,” Teagan says. “Have to prepare everything.” Oh. Everything’s clearer now. “I see. Anyway – Maxson told me you had something for me.” The proctor nods and loots a crate – Jay waits for him to come back, eyeing the fat man in the corner. He already have one, but this one has a mod he absolutely needs. Maybe he should tell Shaun about it.

His daydreaming stops when Teagan puts something on the counter. “There you go. I hope you’ll like it.” “Thanks,” Jay says as he takes it – his mouth drops open when he sees the black battlecoat, the (almost) same Maxson wears, and he’s quick to throw his bulletproof vest on the ground and try the battle-coat on. “It suits perfectly. Damn, this thing is weightless! How’s it even possible? Man, I feel like I’m on Christmas day – do you know Christmas? Uh, probably not. Oh my – it’s fucking sick! Do I look good?” “That you do,” Teagan chuckles. “It has been tested already, but I have some spare ammo, if you want.” He nods, makes sure the battlecoat is closed and takes a few steps back – as suspected, it stops the bullets and laser cells, and Jay smiles. “Thank you again, Teagan. You rock.” “Yeah, tell that to Ingram and Kells – they worked really hard to deliver it on time. The Elder can be bossy when he wants to.”

There’s a short blank, and then Jay raises his head to look at the proctor, not quite sure if he heard right. “What does Maxson have to do with  any of this?” “He’s the one who ordered that the sentinel needed better protection. And since we all know you dislike power armors, he came up with this.”

Oh. He hides his red cheeks by fidgeting with the battlecoat. “I suppose I should thank him too.”

 

         He meets neither Ingram nor Kells, so he gets back to the command deck and walks up Maxson. “So, how do I look?” and he knows he asked Teagan already, and it’s not like he cares about how he looks, but he wants to hear what Maxson thinks of it. “It’s not made to look good. It’s made to protect you.” Of course he would say that – Jay snorts. “Yeah, smartass, I know that. But does it suit me?” The Elder crosses his arms, looks at him for a while – and sighs. “Yes.”

He’s probably just saying this so he can get him off his back – but it works. Jay’s weak like that. “Thanks, handsome.” “And stop with the nicknames-” but he doesn’t let him finish, kisses him right on the cheek and then backs off and picks up his shotgun and his rifle. “Love yourself, Maxson. You know you’re cute.”

 

         He has some trouble with his shoulder, but. He has fun in the Commonwealth, still gets out of everything he walks in alive, and he even gets back to Sanctuary before nightfall – Shaun runs into his arms and he catches him with his right one, sparing the left one any movement. “Hey, you,” he says with a warm smile. “How are you?” “I’m okay, dad! Maccready told me what happened, are you feeling better now?” The boy is always so caring and so worried for everybody – it’s cute. He shuffles his hair. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Shaun stares at him for a second – softly, fingers come wiping his cheek. “You’ve got blood on yourself.” “Killed a herd of giant deathclaws on my way,” he lies, and the kid laughs. “Do you think I could do that too, one day?” “You don’t have much of a choice, do you?” and it’s sad, telling a child things like this, but Jay can’t say Shaun will never have to pick up a pistol or – or kill somebody else, because he will have to. Everybody has to – he remembers Kellogg’s memories, his mother giving him a pistol, and he smiles, tries to brush all of this away. “I want to be in the Brotherhood,” Shaun decides, “just like you.” “Eh. Monsters should hide themselves now, then,” and Shaun’s smile is probably the best thing in the Commonwealth.

He doesn’t quite care about the boy being a synth. He’s a kid before being metal and wires, and he hasn’t done anything wrong – Jay can’t stand the thought of people hating him so much. “Let’s go, kid. You hungry? I’ve bought sugar bombs and those cakes you like. I may even have a Nuka-Cola.”

 

         They’re chilling by the river when Shaun asks, “Can you take me to the Prydwen?” and Jay stays silent for a while – he doesn’t know what to say. Shaun has been on the Prydwen once, that’s where he had been teleported first, but soon enough Jay took him back to Sanctuary, too afraid they might discover the truth – he doesn’t have the strength to tell him he can’t. To crush a child’s dreams and hopes. He can’t. “Yeah, of course.”

 

         A few weeks pass, and Shaun doesn’t talk too much about the Brotherhood – except he still does, sometimes, and Jay still answers him all the same – “yeah”, promises he will not keep, words he hopes Shaun will forget.

He drops by the vault as well, picks up the cryolator still locked up, and sits down in front of Nora’s body.

“I’m sorry I killed our son,” he says, because he did, right? Pressed the detonator while Shaun was in there, betrayed him, and he keeps telling himself he did the right thing, killed his son so he could save the Commonwealth, but he has trouble believing it lately, has trouble believing he’s not a mass murderer, has trouble believing he loved his son.

Because when you love someone, you don’t kill them – and he tells himself Shaun was dying anyway, that he couldn’t have done anything, but there’s still a ‘what if’ lingering in the back in the mind, haunting his nights – what if he could have, what if he could have spared Shaun the pain of dying with everything he ever worked and lived for, and he thinks Shaun was closer to a synth than a human, that his feelings meant nothing if he ever had some.

Yet he’s there, and he’s guilty, and he’s a murderer, and he killed his son.

 

         “Can you do me a favor?” He’s holding his battlecoat close to him, tucked against his chest, and Maxson eyes him carefully before telling him to shut the door behind them, and Jay does, and suddenly they’re alone on the command deck with the Commonwealth under them, and Shaun working with Ingram not too far. “Shaun – take him into the Brotherhood. He’s good with tools – he can’t fight yet, but he’s clever, I’m sure he will do fine. Please, just – promise me you’ll take him into the Brotherhood.”

Maxson doesn’t answer right away – instead he watches him, crosses his arms on his chest. “I don’t like where this is going. What’s the problem, sentinel?” Jay bites his lip – he can’t back off now, can’t tell him everything’s okay. He tightens his grip on the battlecoat and looks down. “Promise me? Please – treat him right. He’s a good child. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He – he could be you, you know?” and maybe he shouldn’t have said this, but he did. “Sentinel,” the Elder’s voice is threatening, and he shivers. “It’s his dream – he really looks up to your soldiers. I think he – he feels alone, and I know the squires are nice… you’ve helped me too when I first came out of the vault, yeah? I couldn’t have done it without you. He doesn’t know anything – he can’t be left alone if something happens to me.”

And he knows he’s being overprotective, but he doesn’t care. Shaun deserves it – he’s only a child, he’s only a child. “I guess I owe you this, at least. I promise you he’ll be welcomed into the Brotherhood, although I don’t understand why you want my word so bad.” It makes him smile, and Jay breathes. “Thank you, Elder,” and the only word makes Maxson frowns. “Tell me what’s wrong, sentinel.”

He thought about this a lot, about how he will break the truth to Maxson – he decides to be blunt, looks at him in the eyes, grips the coat tighter as if it’s going to protect him from anything. “He’s not my child – Shaun. Not… the real one.” There’s a second of silence, right before the Elder sighs. “I don’t like where this is going.” And Jay would only know why. “My son – the boy I was looking for when I first found you. He’s dead. I killed him. He was – you know I was pretty disturbed when I got out of vault 111, right? At first, I thought only a few hours, or days maybe, had passed since they first took Shaun, and it turned out it’s been years, and I thought Shaun was ten, or something like that…” he stops for air, tries to look stern, but he’s not sure it’s working. “Sixty years had passed, and Shaun – he was at the head of the Institute. They used him, a baby who had never been outside, to create better synths, and as he grew older – he got the lead of the Institute-” “And you never told us?”

Maxson looks so angry – Jay has to take a step back, scared, but steadies himself. “I never told anybody, and I wasn’t planning to – but Shaun, he really wants to be a part of the Brotherhood, but I know you still have the Institute’s data, and the moment Cade will analyze his DNA, he will know, everybody will know, so I can’t keep lying to you! I betrayed my child for you, for the Commonwealth, so can people be safe – and now all I’ve got left from Nora is her frozen body and our wedding rings, and Shaun is dead, and this synth – he’s the closest thing I have to him.” Again, he pauses – his knuckles are white, and he feels like crying, except he won’t. Not before Maxson. Not before anybody. “Now if it can make you feel better, strip me from my title, ban me from the Prydwen, cast me as traitor – I won’t say I don’t care, but I don’t mind. Just don’t hurt the child – I can’t crush his dreams. I can’t crush someone’s dreams ever again.”

As he speaks, Maxson seems to calm down – or maybe it’s just because he tries to believe it so hard, tries to believe Maxson won’t cast him out of the Brotherhood, won’t order his soldiers to kill him on spot, but he knows he will get what’s coming for him one way or another.

He gasps when the Elder speaks up again. “I can’t believe you lied to us – to me again, and I can’t believe you’re so determined to get yourself killed over these synths. It’s Danse all over again.”

Yes. Maybe it is. Jay looks down, looks at his black rangers – he waits for a punishment, whatever who might ensure Shaun’s future in the Brotherhood. “I can’t afford to lose you like I lost Danse. Sort this out by yourself and when you know the synth’s ID number, give it to me and I’ll erase it from the data. And if you lie to me once more, I’ll order him to kill you. Have I made myself clear?” “Crystal clear,” he answers right away, his breath cut short in his lungs. “And not a word to anyone.” “Of course not, sir – Elder.” “Good. Get back to your duties now, sentinel.”

 

         He manages to get a doctor from a colony to help him and he’s working on a terminal waiting for the correlation to be made between Shaun and – whatever synth they ever created at the Institute when Preston enters the house and he frowns – he’s not on really good terms with Preston since he destroyed the Institute, still hasn’t been able to swallow what he told him. You’re a murder. It was a genocide. “General,” he says, “where is Shaun?” He could lie. Instead, he chooses to be honest, because Preston always has been truthful to him. “With the Brotherhood, as he wished so.”

Preston looks at him, and something darkens in his eyes – Jay knows he got along well with the boy. “I thought he would have told me.” “He’s coming back, Preston. Members of the Brotherhood aren’t being kept in a leash.” For a while, the young minutemen doesn’t answer; when he does, it’s in a sigh. “I hope you’re right. I hope they’re treating him well.”

He puts a hand on Preston’s arm, smiles. “They are. I made sure of it. Hey – do you want to see him? I have something to give to the Elder.” And his face lightens up a little – he smiles as well, and Jay feels like it’s been centuries since he last saw Preston smile.

 

         They travel in a comfortable silence and as soon as they’re on the Prydwen, it’s Kells who stops them. “Who are you?” he asks, because civilians aren’t allowed on the Prydwen – Jay puts his arm on Preston’s shoulder. “Friend of mine. A minutemen. He’s good, I swear.” And Kells looks at them for a while before sighing.

He tells Preston to head straight to the hangar bay, catches Maxson’s dark glare and adds he will be there in a minute; once Preston is on the upper deck, he walks up to him, closes the door (he doesn’t want the occasional scribes mingling around to start asking questions) and gives him a piece of paper. Maxson looks at it and puts it in one of his coat’s pocket. “Thank you-” his words get stuck for a second before he finishes: “Arthur. It means everything to me.” “Yeah, well – behave yourself.”

Jay smirks – first mischievous smile he’s had in a while. “Going weak around me now, Elder?” when Maxson doesn’t answer, he chuckles and steps closer to him. “Always so offended. Are you going through your teenage phase?” “I’m seriously rethinking my decision,” Maxson growls, not even a bit intimidating. “Maybe I should kick you out of the Brotherhood.” “Eh, don’t say that. You’d miss me.” “Trust me, I would not.”

 

         Shaun is happy in the Brotherhood. Spends a lot of time with Ingram, and she’s rather fond of the kid – Jay overheard her talking to him, and. He never thought Ingram had a sweet side, but she does.

He continues to train squires when he can, and sometimes Shaun tags along, and it feels good hearing him cheer – it blows their cover, sometimes, but he can’t be mad at him. He tells him to be careful because ghouls hear a lot of things, and he laughs, and it’s okay. Chris even gets along well with him – not that Jay is surprised, but he’s glad they’re friends. Their friendship might not last, will probably not last, but who cares?

He’s sitting on the flight deck when he spots Ingram and Maxson, and it feels a lot like a déjà-vu, but he doesn’t say anything and he’s too far anyway. He just watches her board a vertibird and as it gets away, he steps closer to Maxson. “Care to tell me what’s happening?”

The Elder gives him a quick glance, and then walks back to the command deck. “She’s going on field trip.” Oh. Good news, he guesses. “Hey, that’s cool to hear. You finally grew tired of all of the Prydwen crew begging you to let her fight again?” “She proved herself able to lead a squad.” “Yeah, well, she did that long ago. You’re just too stubborn.” Dark stare again – Jay shrugs. “You know it’s true. Though I must say, you’ve been quite sweet lately. Something’s gotten onto you? Is it love? You found a girlfriend?”

He only gets a groan as an answer and he chuckles. “Oh, Arthur’s got a girlfriend. Who is she? Wait, let me guess. Uh, Neriah? She’s cute, right?” “It’s not – goddamn, sentinel, get off my back!” Not Neriah, then. Jay thinks about the remaining women Arthur could be interested in – pretty hard to say. Definitely not Haylen. Or could he? “It’s not Haylen, right? Can’t be Ingram either, she’s too busy drooling over Li. Oh, I know, wait – this knight back at the airport. Shit, what’s her name? Lu-” he can’t finish his sentence, gets slammed against the rail, and, okay, rough. He takes a second to recover, bites his cheeks when he notices how close Maxson is – they’re chest to chest, and he’s pretty much about to touch his abs. “Okay, hum, are you alright?” he still manages to ask, grips the rail harder to refrain himself from doing something to his superior no one should probably do. “Stop with the girlfriend thing,” Maxson snarls, and he feels bad. “I’m sorry, Elder. I didn’t – no harm intended.” And it’s true – it was just a joke, a way to learn more about him, maybe, because he doesn’t hear much gossips about him.

He can feel Maxson’s breath on his throat – the man really is smaller than him. Not that much, but he is. “You didn’t harm me,” there’s a hint of frustration in his voice, and Jay tries to look away. “You’re just annoying me, and I was about to kiss you, but it occurred to me that you might not be consenting.”

Jay stays mute for a second and then snorts so hard he hits Maxson’s head with his own, and they both part away – but he can’t help himself from laughing. “I can’t believe – fuck. Get over there,” he says while pinning him against the rail, his fingers brushing Maxson’s chin. “So. Not straight, I guess?” “Oh god,” he growls, “not this again.”

He smiles, but kisses him anyway, lets his hand slip all the way down his torso – a shame those jumpsuits are so thick. “I appreciate the thought. Didn’t know you get such a good education in the Brotherhood,” he chuckles, and Maxson groans. “Shut up. Stop talking. You’re terrible.” And he does shut up and kisses him again.

It’s different than anything he ever had, and he finds himself liking it.

 

         At night, he’s lying next to Arthur, his head resting on his chest, and he shivers each time his hand caresses his back. “Cold hands,” he mutters, half-asleep, and Maxson pinches him. “I don’t have cold hands. You’re fucking burning.” It makes him chuckles – it’s probably true. It’s always hot on the Prydwen, and spending the night next to the most good-looking guy in the Commonwealth doesn’t help either. “It’s because I’m right next to a hot piece of beef,” Jay mocks with a smile, and he laughs when he hears him grunts. “This is why I’m always telling you to shut up,” Maxson sighs. “Excuse me, you will never find somebody with better lines than me, so consider yourself lucky.”

Even in the obscurity, he can see Maxson turning his head to look at him, and he gives him his most innocent smile. “Am I now?” “I’m telling you, half of the Commonwealth wants me.” “Yeah, they want you dead,” and, oh, mean one, but good one. He hits him in the stomach, not too hard – it’s not like he can feel anything, anyway. “Please, I’m very cute and likable and I help a lot of people.” “Hit me up when I care, Jay. Care to let me sleep, now?” “Eh. You’re jealous. You know I was joking, right? Nobody likes me. Maybe it’s because I keep being sarcastic to them. Or asking them for caps.”

A break. And then: “It’s because you have this stupid paint on your face. Nobody can trust you.” In the darkness, Jay bursts out laughing and snuggles closer to him. “It’s called war paint, you fuck.  And this way, I can cover my scars. Well, some of them.” “You don’t see me wearing black paint on my eye either. Your scar is good. How did you get it, anyway? Looks like some serious burn.” “Because it is, smartass. Well. Plasma burn and an asshole with a knife. The little ones are shrapnel shards, and the big one on my left cheek is another asshole with a knife.” He feels Maxson’s thumb over his burn, doesn’t really mind – it’s stopped aching so long ago. “The Commonwealth has been kind with you so far, I take it.” “Say that again to my shoulder, you deathclaw-fighter,” he jokes and gets up on his elbows to kiss him.

Maxson smiles – it’s cute and fond and Jay thinks he could afford to spend all of his nights like this. “Wanna go raiding with me tomorrow? We might even see Ingram.” “You know what, I’m sure she has killed all of the Commonwealth’s vermin already and run to the Mojave to fight more radscorpions.” They laugh together, and it feels good, it feels so good. Jay lowers himself, his head against Maxson’s chest once again, and he falls asleep this way – a hand in his hair and the ghost of a smile lingering on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for sticking with me until the very end folks  
> kudos and/or comments are very much appreciated!!


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